Sexy Fries

There is a place in Antwerp where you can sample the combined national dish of Belgium and the Netherlands.

Mayonnaise! There are five varieties, including Andalusian and truffle. Make sure you hold the spigot open long enough for the compressed air to gently produce a subtly flavored emulsion of whipped egg yolk, oil, and vinegar in your paper cup.

Just kidding. There are five varieties of mayonnaise and those are the sauce of choice in Benelux, but the real highlight of this place is the fries.

They are, in fact, the perfect fry: crisp, salty, and flavorful. “Creamy-soft on the inside and beautifully crispy on the outside,” as the napkins explain.

Fries really are a national dish. As do most Americans, we pass on the mayonnaise, but feast on the fries. The fries in the photo above are topped with kimchi, one of the seasonally alternating variations of toppings. We’ve sampled the Flemish beef stew, Thai chicken, and basil-parmesan.

The proprietor takes his fries seriously. The white tiles reflect candlelight. The same gently thumping music plays every time we visit (only about three times, actually). The employees must be going crazy from the music. The male employees all wear cravats. “Don’t take a drink from the trays of ice!” they will tell you. Those are perfectly placed for the sense of atmosphere. “We’ll get one out of the cooler for you.”

The place strikes me as a little pretentious, but they pull it off. Because fries this good really do deserve candlelight and cravats. We call the place Sexy Fries. We raved and joked about Sexy Fries so much that a visiting friend was disappointed to find out this place is actually called the Frites Atelier. If I ever start a restaurant highlighting the fry, I’ll call it Sexy Fries.

Since this post is purely for fun, I’ll include another photo from an advertisement I spotted in the east part of the country.

Any guesses what it’s for?

Yep, Segway polo! Looks like fun! The intensity!

Finally, of the multiplication of disgusting potato chip flavors, there is no end. What is Giant Flavour, you wonder, and how is it different from Classic Burger? So do I. So do I.